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Control Codes for International Space Station Stolen – I am innocent.

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NASA computer stolenThe press reports that NASA Inspector General Paul Martin said a notebook computer stolen from NASA contained command codes to control the International Space Station.

This was one of forty-eight notebooks or mobile devices that have been stolen from NASA. The number of stolen computers might be considerably higher because NASA relies on employees to “self report” these thefts.

A silly notion if there ever was one.

Suspected in the thefts are the Romanians, the Chinese, and myself.

I am totally innocent, of course.

I am only suspect because I was offering room rentals on the International Space Station at $1,000,000.00 per night over Facebook. So far I have sold two.

I won those rooms fair and square through a Publishers Clearing House contest.

I am confident I will be vindicated.

Truant Oregon kindergarteners run wild.

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The Oregonian newspaper reports nearly one in four students in Oregon are chronically truant, the majority of them being kindergarteners and first graders.

It was not reported whether they were hanging out behind the bleachers smoking cigarettes, but you can assume they were up to no good.

A study commissioned by the national school attendance advocacy group Attendance Works reveals a shocking twenty-four percent of Oregon kindergarteners missed seventeen days or more of school.

The study found students who miss ten percent of school days in either kindergarten or first grade show dramatically weaker reading skills in the fifth grade.

More significantly, they don’t learn to line up to go to the bathroom or raise one or two fingers to signal bowel or bladder intentions. These are both essential life skills, though scientist have yet to entirely agree on why.

The Oregon legislature is on the verge of correcting the truancy problem by making kindergarten mandatory.

Presumably this will include funding for additional truant officers who can document this deviant behavior in the little tykes “permanent record”.

Barbie Video Girl

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Is Barbies new video camera implant going to impact her relationship with Ken?

The “Barbie Video Girl” comes with a video camera hidden in her necklace.  She is capable of recording video that can be uploaded to a computer for editing and then be distributed to the world.

How will this cyborg implant effect Barbies social life?  Will it damage her relationship with Ken?  Will to hurt, or enhance, her love life?

These are burning questions that are confounding experts and society at large.

Psychologists specializing in relationships, meeting at a conference in Switzerland, expressed growing concern that this intrusive technology could impact Barbies social relationships, specifically with Ken.

Dr. Fritz Frankenfutzer, a leading authority on inanimate psychology, says, “Barbie exhibited overly controlling tendencies before the implant.  She was always picking Ken’s clothing, making him attend events no real man would go to, and forcing him to spend far too much time at tea parties in the playhouse.”

Dr. Frankenfutzer’s primary concern is the camera implant would heighten Barbies controlling tendencies to an unhealthy level.

“What do you mean I didn’t tell you to take out the garbage, Ken.  Watch the video of me telling you, you worthless piece of …”

The ability to selectively edit her video will give Barbie unprecedented abilities to manipulate and control Ken, a tendency that had already risen to near pathological proportions.

It has been suggested that giving Ken a video implant might even the power dynamics within the relationship.

Dr. Frankenfutzers disagrees.

“With Ken’s weak ego structure, and being as sexually repressed as he is, giving him a video implant could lead to serious relationship problems.  Peer pressure from G.I. Joe, and other testosterone driven action figures, could pressure Ken into making ‘inappropriate’ videos that could damage the wholesomeness of the brand.”.

The wholesomeness of the Barbie and Ken brand is everything, and anything that could damage it is totally unacceptable.

This is obviously a problem with ramifications that go beyond the corporate board room.  It has serious ramifications for society at large.

What do you think should be done?